One is the lonliest number

ok so...these past few weeks have been kinda hard for me...There have been a lot of changes in my life and I feel a little lost. I feel like i have lost my best friend at school, not really lost as a friend but as a best friend. Its hard for me to lose that type of friendship so fast. i feel like everyone has someone to go to except for me. yes i have a good amount of friends, but not that one freind that you always call and can count on to be there to just sit on the couch with, or do nothing at all... jsut enjoying eachothers company. The one friend that you dont even have to think to hang out with them..it just happens. Its hard when your best friend is a million miles away. I feel really alone and i dont like it one little bit. I know that things change in life...but its really strange and unfamiliar to me.
Also, i have been missing my sister a lot the past couple weeks. Everytime i see a family or someone talks about their brother or sister i get really sad, kinda jealous actually, just thinking that my sister isnt here anymore. I think of growing older and her not being around. I always think about what my mom told us when we were younger and we would fight..."When you grow up, all you will have in the world is eachother, so make sure you stay close." Now i dont have a sister to stay close with. So now i will have no one. How depressing is that! It is really hard for me to see my future without her in it. I still think about being married and having kids and she is still in it and its really wierd. but i still cant let it go. I dont know why. Maybe its cause i never really got to say goodbye to her. Never got to tell her that i love her one last time. I try to be strong in fron of others but deep inside i am not strong at all.
I think its really ahrd for me to let God into my heart too because of this. There is a part of me that is all bottled up, guarded from everything else, so as to not show weakness to others, as well as God. I need to find a way to let that wall down, because i want to let God in, He is the only one who can heal me. He is the only one who can fill the hole that is left. But He cant do that unless i let Him.


p.s. its sooooo flippen hot in my apartment....my roomate has the heat on 80 degrees! seriously?! ugg