Ok so...i dont usually blog things im feeling...but a really great friend of mine said i should try it out...;)...so here it goes...Lets start with a little story time and ill take you back a lil...
about two years ago...i graduated highschool...and headed off to college in NY State - SUNY College at Oneonta....small school...two main groups...the fashion/sorority/fraternity guys and girls and the music people....then there were some random groups here and there who did there own thing...but anyways...I joined the swim team...p.s. HATED it there before swim season started....went home almost every weekend...cried on the phone to my mom...and im not even that emotional..dont cry too much. anyways...swim season started and there is was...it all clicked the reason i was there. i love the sport...i felt like a part of something big...we all became so close..a family...and my Coach...the most amazing woman besides my mom of coarse.
before i knew it...my freshman year of college was coming to a close...and the thought of transfereing elsewhere came to mind...but i didnt have any idea where..and i didnt want to leave my team behind...then while i was home for the last break of the semester before finals...my worst nightmare became a reality...on April 7, 2007 my sister Kaity passed away suddenly without warning while she was at school, at Rutgers. Lets just stop that part of the story there maybe i will share more later...
lately...a little over a year later...i still cant believe it sometimes...change is so hard...
My best friend Annebelle jsut moved to Costa Rica in January...i have seen her once since then and talked to her on the phone only a few times....this past year has been so up and down and i feel like ive been just spinning forever...
(sorry that was a little detour) Anyways...i went to Oneonta for the Fall semester of 2007. I couldnt focus on work...didnt want to really do anything...I was recently saved and given my life to Jesus Christ and i jsut didnt feel like going to this school was Gods path for me. it didnt feel right...i couldnt see a future...i couldnt see myself doing anything at all...so i decided to transfer schools and God led me to Liberty University...where i met some of the most amazing people in my life right now. Justin, James, Kelly, Lauren...to name a few. and one of my best friends i have known since middle school, Perry, goes to Liberty as well...he made the transition so amazing and easy...it was only my first semester and i felt right at home..it took a little getting used to and learning to deal with the crazy rules...but its so worth it. God is so amazing how he shows you the path he wants you to take. Ive learned so much about Him and myself in about 5 months...its mind boggling to me.
but the semester had to come at some point....tear...James and Justin went back to WV, Perry and i to good ol New Jersey...(Sidenote: i miss you guys soooo much....i feel really ridiculous saying...i miss you so much it hurts sometimes..but yanno what...go ahead and make fun...lol...you guys are definitly one of the best things God has put in front of me. i hope you know that and never forget it.) After coming home suddenly i feel...not soo much lost....but really numb. Although....i have one the most amazing friends, Becky, who has been there for me always and she is so amazing to tlak to and her family...wow i dont know what i would do without her... but i still cant shake this empty feeling...I cant seem to be excited about things i used to be...i was in church sunday and i just felt so disconnected and it really made me upset...because i never want to put God aside, and be disinterested in Him...its jsut so many changes at once...and my heart needs to catch up...
i used to talk to my sister about everything...we would stay up late and talk for hours about everything and nothing at all..i guess that is the biggest change...and i guess i keep a lot inside now that i dont really have anyone to share it with...i hope maybe this writing stuff down will help...
sorry this is soo long...but thanks for listening...
With Love
Lulu
No comments:
Post a Comment